Protected: Managing Conflict
Don’t hold back your opinion.
A few months ago, I sent an email soliciting input on a complex subject. Many people responded publically. One member provided an elaborate answer that was both critical and thoughtful at the same time. A week later, I received an email from the same brother apologizing for the inappropriateness of the email that he sent. I quote part of the email that he sent me:
Brother Hossam, I know you are super busy, but I hope these words reach you. A dear member brought to my attention that I was unnecessarily blunt in the (email_subject) on my recent post. I don’t know if you realized that, but if you did, please forgive me. I did not mean to turn people away from the important subject you brought up … I know you and the rest of the leadership are doing hard work for the organization, and you have accomplished a lot.
I never intend to be part of the problem. I care so much for MAS, and I was only trying to help.
Honestly, I was really surprised by the email. I went back and re-read the email that this brother wrote. It was a very good email. Yes, it was blunt, critical, and it was pointing the problems that we have. But it was not offensive, nor was it just putting blame without solutions.
My dear brothers and sisters : we need your honest and sincere input in MAS. Do not listen to anyone who tells you to stay quiet or to accept the status quo. This will be the sure disaster for, not only MAS, but for Islam in America. We did not join MAS to stay quiet and accept any status quo. We joined MAS in order to change the status quo in our community and in our country. If you have to err, then err at the side of saying the right thing – even if bluntly. Of course always try to do it in the best way, but do not stop from expressing your opinion and providing a solution to the problems we are facing as Americans, as Muslims and as MAS members.
We also have to accommodate everyone to share their perspective in MAS. The young and the old ; the indigenous and the immigrant ; brothers and sisters – everyone. This is how we can continue to improve.
The prophet accommodated these different opinions in his movement. In Badr, the prophet made a decision about where to spend the night, but one of the companions asked him, publically, bluntly, and politely : is this a mandate from Allah, or something open to different opinions? The prophet told him, it is open. So the man said this is not the best place to stay, and we should stay somewhere else. The prophet gladly accepted his better opinion. Imagine if this man would have held back his opinion. After all, this is the prophet!
It is crucial that each MAS member realizes that their opinion and feedback is important. It should be given with good manners, but nonetheless not held back. The eventual decision will be better when we all give our opinion honestly. The decision of the majority should then be followed even if it is different than ours.
Please share your thoughts.
PS: I took permission from the brother to share the story with others.
Protected: Learning from a creative American Jewish Program
Protected: From Social Change Organizations to Social Movements
14 reasons why you should not be creative
To grow and prosper, any movement or organization needs to keep the creativity juices flowing. The reason is simple : new challenges, opportunities and new environments need new solutions. We need new ideas and new minds. We should not fear creating new things and coming up with new ideas. Even if we make mistakes, we should look to learn from them and grow. There is a core in each organization that should be stable and unchanging, but then there are other parts that unless they change and evolve, the mission of the organization cannot be achieved in the long run. The prophet PBUH was not afraid of new ideas. A Persian suggested a radical idea in building a Trench around Madina, and the prophet accepted it. In other incidents the prophet encouraged the companions to give their opinions even when they differed from His own. Reformers in the past decided to recruit from the Starbucks (of the past) rather than the mosques. While learning and using the tremendous experience of the past, we also need to think for ourselves and come up with new solutions. We have to learn from the past, but we cannot be entrapped by our past, even if it was the most successful. In fact people succeeded in the past because they were passionately engaged and thinking of new solutions, not because they followed a pre-packaged formula for success (except for the general principles). If you have new ideas, share them and stand your ground as a MAS member, young or old, in order to implement them.
This is a very good video titled the Anti-Creativity checklist. The video highlights the reasons why we should not be creative. Although it is in a “job” related context, it is still relevant to our Islamic work.
Five minutes daily to analyze and learn from your day.
Below is an article from HBR titled : The best way to use the last five minutes of your day. It addresses how we can all learn from our experiences and use them to grow and flourish. I HAVE INSERTED SOME COMMENTS INSIDE THE ARTICLE.
Julie Anko*, the head of a division of a retail company I work with, was at risk of getting fired. Here’s the crazy thing: she was a top performer. She had done more for the brand in the past year than any of her predecessors had in five years.
The problem was that she was a bear to work with. She worked harder than seemed humanly possible and expected the same of others, often losing her temper when they wouldn’t put in the same herculean effort she did. She was also competitive and territorial; she wanted the final say on all decisions remotely related to her brand even when her peers technically had the authority to make a decision. She wasn’t good at listening to others or empowering them or helping them feel good about themselves or the team. And, though she was working all hours, things were falling through the cracks.
But none of that was the problem for which she was at risk of being fired. The real problem was that she didn’t think she had a problem.
I was asked to work with her, and my first step was to interview everyone with whom she worked in order to understand the situation and share their perspectives with her.
When I did share the feedback, her response surprised me. “I didn’t know it was that bad,” she said, “but it doesn’t surprise me.” I asked her why.
“This is the same feedback I received at my previous company,” she said, “it’s why I left.”
We could look at Julie and laugh at her ignorance. At her unwillingness to look at her failures and, as a result, repeat them. But the laugh would be a nervous one. Because many of us — and this includes me — do the same thing.
[THE EXAMPLE HERE IS ABOUT A SPECIFIC FAULT. EACH ONE OF US, YOURSELF INCLUDED, HAS SOME FAULT. INSTEAD OF THINKING ABOUT SOMEONE YOU KNOW, THINK ABOUT YOURSELF AND HOW YOU CAN LEARN FROM THIS STORY]
I’m often amazed at how many times something has to happen to me before I figure it out. I believe that most of us get smarter as we get older. But somehow, despite that, we often make the same mistakes. On the flip side — but no less comforting — we often do many things right and then fail to repeat them.
There’s a simple reason for it: we rarely take the time to pause, breathe, and think about what’s working and what’s not. There’s just too much to do and no time to reflect.
I was once asked: if an organization could teach only one thing to its employees, what single thing would have the most impact? My answer was immediate and clear: teach people how to learn. How to look at their past behavior, figure out what worked, and repeat it while admitting honestly what didn’t and change it.
[THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT FROM A TARBIYA PRESPECTIVE: HOW TO LEARN. AND THIS LESSON IS NOT JUST TAUGHT IN AN USRA, BUT ALSO ALL THROUGHOUT ISLAMIC WORK]
If a person can do that well, everything else takes care of itself. That’s how people become life-long learners. And it’s how companies become learning organizations. It requires confidence, openness, and letting go of defenses. But here’s what it doesn’t require: much time.
[INDIVIDUAL REFLECTION, AS WELL AS TEAM REFLECTION, IS IMPORTANT AND USEFUL]
It only takes a few minutes. About five actually. A brief pause at the end of the day to consider what worked and what didn’t.
Here’s what I propose:
Every day, before leaving the office, save a few minutes to think about what just happened. Look at your calendar and compare what actually happened — the meetings you attended, the work you got done, the conversations you had, the people with whom you interacted, even the breaks you took — with your plan for what you wanted to have happen. Then ask yourself three sets of questions:
- How did the day go? What success did I experience? What challenges did I endure?
- What did I learn today? About myself? About others? What do I plan to do — differently or the same — tomorrow?
- Who did I interact with? Anyone I need to update? Thank? Ask a question? Share feedback?
This last set of questions is invaluable in terms of maintaining and growing relationships. It takes just a few short minutes to shoot off an email — or three — to share your appreciation for a kindness someone extended, to ask someone a question, or to keep someone in the loop on a project.
If we don’t pause to think about it, we are apt to overlook these kinds of communications. And we often do. But in a world where we depend on others to achieve anything in life, they are essential.
After several long conversations, Julie came to appreciate the efficiency of slowing down enough to see the others around her. She saw that she was working so hard and moving so fast, that even if she was delivering quality results, she was working against herself, putting her job at risk, and making things harder for everyone.
So, over time and with great discipline, she began to change. And, slowly, people began to notice. I knew things were going to be OK when I left her a message expecting a call back in several weeks, if at all, but she called me back that evening.
“Hi Peter,” she said, “I just wanted to let you know I got your call and I appreciate you reaching out to me. I’m heading out with the team for some drinks. I’ll try you again in a few days.”
And, sure enough, she did.
*Names and some details changed
catchingthought
